Monday, January 3, 2011

No, I Really Suck

Yesterday's post was in response to something I read where someone talked about how they feel bad reveling in schadenfreude, so they sometimes talk about themselves negatively to balance it out.  Considering that yesterday's post was partly to show my negative qualities, it was pretty lame.  And in a bit of karma, my worst instincts came out today, meaning my insane jealousy.  I've kept it quelled for awhile, probably because of the good feelings I've been having for the last month.  But there are certain people out there in the world who drive me up a wall.  Why?  Because they are admired and respected.  And worst of all?  They deserve to be admired and respected.  There are a couple of blogs out there I don't read anymore because they just pissed me off.  And they pissed me off because they were writing long, engaged posts that people were responding to.  And to make it worse, I trolled.  Oh, most people probably wouldn't think my comments were really trolling.  They would just be anonymous and snide.  And I'd get shot down fast because I deserved it.  If I was acknowledged at all.

This came up today because I read a link in someone's blog to one of these bloggers.  And I read that link, which led to more on that blog.  Which reminded me of other blogs I felt the same about, so I checked those out.  Same reaction.  Even as I was doing it, I asked myself what I was doing.  I hate wasting time, and this is the biggest waste of time of all.  As I saw the clock on the computer reach the top of the hour, I started telling myself to get to work, to pull up something in Word that will make me feel better about how I was spending my time.  I didn't do it, though, until I realized something, something simple that I had never acknowledged before.  These people have such positive response to what they write because they work on it.  They take time to write long, thoughtful posts full of links and ideas.  Anyone who has been reading me for any amount of time knows I don't do that.  I write as I think.  And I don't proof.  Sometimes, I'll read something a few days or even months after, find a typo, and fix it.  Usually, though, I just leave it.  I will not have people reprinting my posts in the New York Times or mentioned on HuffPo because I am not even trying to make that happen.  So I have to let that go.

And I am thankful to all of you who do still read this blog.  When I click my stats, I'm still surprised to see that people are reading.  Thanks!  I'd rather have these few readers who follow me around on my meandering.  After all, that's the real me, or as close to it as anyone can get in a blog.  As for those other people?  Well, good on them for putting their efforts into posts that are engaging people.  Seriously.  I'll stay over here with my ADD-addled writing getting sidetracked by every shiny thing that comes along.


  1. I get jealous of other people's success and other people's personal lives... I have to do tons of self-talk to work that out. A bit of jealousy is normal at times, I think. It's what we do with those feelings that matters, not whether or not we have them... perhaps?

    "I write as I think. And I don't proof. Sometimes, I'll read something a few days or even months after, find a typo, and fix it." -- Me, too.

  2. Nels, yours is one of the few academic blogs I still stop and read occasionally, even though I'm back in the corporate world, because I admire your authenticity and voice.

    It's so hard not to get sidetracked, to stay out of envy and in gratitude and remember there is enough success (or whatever, however we define it) to go around.