Monday, December 20, 2010

Beyond Avoidance

What have I spent this year ignoring?  Actually, not a lot.  That's actually a change for me.  I am someone who has a history of avoidance.  I won't go into it, but I got yelled at a lot as a kid.  Sometimes, it was justified.  Sometimes, it was not.  It did not rise to the level of abuse even though I think anger at other people I now realize was sometimes taken out on me.  But my defense became avoidance, which doesn't exactly stop getting yelled at, but at least then I don't feel like I'm being criticized for not doing something I didn't know I should be doing.  When I was in therapy, we talked about this, and my coping strategy became asking myself what was the true worst case scenario if I did something and failed.  Most of the time, the worst case scenario was not that bad, and it also rarely happened.

Perhaps it's because of being in therapy from 2005-9 and the fact that a lot in my life has stabilized with tenure, but I have gotten a lot better at not avoiding things.  Oh, sure, could I do more for my health?  Yes, but it's not like I've done nothing.  I did not hit the treadmill as much I should have, but I did take my summer hikes and reduce carbonated, sugary drinks in my life.  I did not finish a lot of research this past year, but I worked on some things including my successful sabbatical application that will allow me to do more next year.  I also had my first year in a long time of not having one cent of credit card debit or paying one cent of interest.  Even on this holiday break, I have already called and scheduled all appointments and meetings that I wanted to have, with my doctor, for my car, and with a couple of colleagues about projects.

2010 was a year when I did more, and I hope all of that sets up an even more productive 2011.

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