Shifting describes what 2010 has been for me quite well. A lot of things have shifted in my life running the gamut from good to bad but mostly neutral. It all started in January when I had a conversation with someone that I won't go into because of the privacy issues of other people involved. However, I basically left that discussion with a new view of my future. I had been emphasizing certain things in my life, and someone advised me to change. Their motivations are still suspect to me, but I thought about what they said, and I scheduled a lunch with someone I could trust to talk about that comment and those issues.
What I realized is that I needed to shift focus in certain ways. Most people have not noticed the change, but I feel it. And my husband recognizes it, which makes sense since he is the only one who sees me daily and knows it all, but I started shifting things around, physically and mentally. I spent days in the summer hiking alone like I've been thinking about for years, time when I really could get away from everyone and everything, sitting on a ledge in the Talcott mountain range staring and thinking. I ended particular research projects and began others. I said yes to things I never thought I'd say yes to and no to things I never expected to leave behind. I allowed myself to show my anger when relevant rather than keep it inside like I've done for forty years. I painted my home office and bought a new desk so my primary workspace could feel more like mine. I made a lot of smaller changes, allowing me to shift my mindset to one that should be healthier for me physically and psychologically.
Focused is how I want to feel at the end of 2011. With the shifts described above, I have made some decisions about projects I want to start or continue, and I want to end the year feeling like I generated some focus on those projects and made some noticeable progress. I'm tired of feeling like I spin my wheels all day, just clicking on websites and random articles, just responding to what has been given to me rather than creating from scratch. Now, this does not mean that I want to limit things in my life, not necessarily. I still want to let my right-brained mindset have free reign, but I also want to give the random ideas in my head more shape and direction. After making and handling many shifts in 2010, I want to spend 2011 generating a bit more focus.